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avatar Dadpool2420 29 day.ago

If I am ever in a horrible accident and no longer able to care for myself, I hope they consider children in Japan or China.....

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Two statues were standing in the park, one, a nude man and one, a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years.

One day an angel comes down from the sky and with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her. She looks at him. They go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel looks at his watch. "Um, you have fifteen minutes left… would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh! Yes, let's! But we should change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head!"

2. The stock market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night.

I woke up every hour and cried.

3. What do you call a guy who paints toy cars made of wood

A carpainter

4. Why was the Egg all worn out

They just got laid by some chick

5. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

6. Do you know what being vegan is?

It's a huge missed steak.

7. I got embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set on my own. In a panic I threw a quilt over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

8. Reese Witherspoon’s sister has a daughter in college. She wrote a paper about how poop can be used as a fuel source.

It was Reese’s niece’s thesis on feces.

9. Did you know that Disney is America’s largest military contractor?

They drop more bombs than Lockheed Martin.

10. Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm, it would be just water

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